I’ve attempted to put my sacred purpose chapter, into words...

I was living in Dubai & working for Coca-Cola. A day before my 44th birthday I received a letter of my global redundancy, I was completely shattered. March 31, 2015 would be my last day (two-month notice) & graced with a noble severance package. I started looking for a job immediately, contacting the recruiters I knew of. After going on several interviews & having no offers on the table, I started getting depressed. I was frustrated & decided to fly home for a couple weeks, on a well needed holiday. Come back with a fresh mind, & start the process again.

My saga began while having intimacy. I’m sharing this sensitive part of my story, because people should know that this can happen to anyone. My brain suddenly felt as if it was going to explode, I’ve never felt such pain in my life. The feeling of explosion went away, but it was concerning when it lingered. The next day I visited the clinic & conveyed my symptoms. The doctor on duty immediately sent me for an MRI & I was diagnosed with intracranial hemorrhage. "There is nothing that can be done," said the doctor. For some reason I wasn’t buying his diagnosis & got a second opinion. He looked at the scans, diagnosed the same, & sent me on my merry way, with a prescription for the lingering headache.

After flying 16 hours I finally arrived in Los Angeles, making my way to Vegas. After a few days, I found myself searching for a specialist here in Vegas. Subconsciously I must have known, as I brought the CD with the head scans on this trip. Gave him the CD, explained the symptoms, & my brain would be scanned yet again. He called & said “get to the ER immediately, they’re waiting for you.” My sister was here from Dubai as well, so she & Mom accompanied me to the ER at Southern Hills Hospital. We were met by Dr. Adam who ordered a CT scan immediately. He was going to give me Heparin (anticoagulant to prevent blood clots) in the IV, but stopped suddenly & gave me a spinal tap to ensure there was no bleeding in the spine. They did find aneurysms from the CT scan. Dr. Linn (my radiologist) performed a brain angiogram, coiling the 7 mm aneurysm & checking the exact size of the other two. There were no problems & a couple weeks later, I was cleared to travel back to Dubai.

In the process of looking for a job, I was researching aneurysms & discovered I endured a thunderclap headache. A thunderclap headache is defined as a severe headache that takes seconds to minutes to reach maximum intensity. I experienced a ruptured blood vessel, tear in the lining of an artery, blood clot in the brain, severe elevation in blood pressure, or ischemic stroke. I’ll never know, but made perfect sense & the mystery was solved.

Still running into walls with the job search & the rent check coming up, something was telling me to move back to America for now. I was scared to have my dog Thompson fly for sixteen hours straight, but we managed & arrived on American soil December 7, 2015.

Working on my CV until February 25, 2016, my radiologist would perform another brain angiogram to look at the coiled aneurysm & check the size of the other two.

That day, my life would change in so many ways, forever. In recovery, I suffered a hemorrhagic cerebellar cerebrovascular accident, a stroke in the brain. I went directly to NICU & was hooked up to various monitors, to keep an eye on my progression. That night I stroked again, this time in the occipital lobe. At this point, it was an emergency for the neurosurgeon & his team to perform surgery & remove the blood from the brain. The surgery included a craniotomy (the surgical removal of part of the bone from the skull to expose the brain) & partial cerebellar hemispherectomy. From what I was told by the physician assistant, I died that day on the operating table, having respiratory failure. I was kept sedated so the brain could heal for 12 days & on mechanical ventilation. I later realized, I encountered a near death experience & was reborn to create a new identity.

Dozens of relatives, family, & friends donated to my fund. The relatives came to visit me in the hospital. My oldest sister helped out the way she knew how, but disappeared for that emotional support. My niece was fully present in the hospital & rehab, but also disappeared when I got home. I celebrated seven years of continuous sobriety in the hospital. That cake was so good & was apparently all over my face the next day when my sister came. I remember hallucinating that my Dad & brother were there (both had passed). My siblings & all my doctors were on a fried chicken diet, that they were purposely keeping from me 🤣. I remember my nieces & nephews being at the hospital, dressed in black sweaters. They were all at the hospital, but didn’t wear the black sweaters I was referring to. Alan walked the halls with me & had an East Coast accent.

I arrived at the nursing home on March 10, 2016. My sister did her magic to ensure I was in a proper room. Even though my emotions were affected & I couldn't express myself I needed her, but she left. There was so much confusion in my head. My family didn’t really know me. They knew the Leslee before her mind shifted from sobriety. Every day the therapists had me walk with a gait belt around my waist, building my endurance back up. I remember wanting to get out of there so bad & get to Thompson, I had a meltdown & had to be sedated. On April 10, I was released from the nursing home.

I returned after forty-four days of being away from Thompson. The family was in denial & had a difficult time approaching me, as my anger outbursts weren’t taken well. Nobody wanted to talk about the injury & apparently nobody researched brain trauma. The energy was awkward & similar to a funeral, they all disappeared. My emotions were all over the place & all I wanted to do was sleep. My independence was gone, people were trying to make decisions for me. I felt angry & confused not being able to express what was clearly in my brain. I was stuck in my body unable to communicate. I lost my identity; I didn’t have the chance to grieve leaving the life I created abroad. Mother would not talk to me; she left me in a ball of confusion. I completely shut down & had hit rock bottom. I wanted to explode, but my emotions wouldn’t let me. Thankfully they were affected, otherwise to deal with this trauma on my own like I did, I would have probably committed suicide.

One day while in the pool working on what the strokes had taken from me, I hit my head really hard on the cement sundeck. Most people have falls after a brain injury of this magnitude. Of course, I had to be different 😂. As I was having more symptoms than the usual, we went to the ER. We couldn't believe our eyes when Dr. Adam walked through the door. He was the attending ER physician in the beginning, the one who gave me a spinal tap. What a story. The scans showed no bleeding, but I did sustain a concussion.

Barely being able to do my own research, I found a proper rehabilitation facility called Nevada Community Enrichment Program (NCEP). A program that included physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech, counseling, classes on memory strategies, brain ed, activity sessions, yoga, tai chi, meditation, & special massage. I’m so grateful I found this amazing program. Graduated March of 2017 & gained lifelong friends from this experience.

Because of the mindfulness I hadn't lost, I was able to research what had gone wrong. I was totally unconnected with people, places, & things. The brain was protecting me from this trauma & was suffering from a form of dissociation. I now see the world with a completely different magnifier. I’m super connected & live in the moment. My filter didn’t always work before but now, I know no other way than authenticity. I truly believe the A.A. Fellowship, members & friends at Fellowship gatherings, & going to Ireland to attend The Hoffman Process helped me survive this horrific experience on this journey. My current deficits are: 24/7 dizziness, chronic fatigue, no filter, anomic aphasia (unable to find the word I mean), cerebellar tremor dominant hand (no longer wear make-up & chopped hair off) dealt with those quickly 🤣, hormonal changes, metabolism changes, weight gain, balance issues, dissociation, hyperacusis, cervical caries (from all the pharmaceuticals & MRI’s) & I now wear prism eyeglasses. The brain is indeed very mysterious.

As soon as I was recovered enough to volunteer, I did. I visited brain injury survivor’s rooms at Sunrise Hospital, where my trauma happened. One day I found Greg (my main nurse) remembering his voice, but not his face. I also saw Alan (my Physical Therapist), the gentleman who walked the halls with me. Heather (my Occupational Therapist) was there too, she taught me to brush my teeth. It was such a memorable experience; I cannot describe it & will continue to cherish every moment.

Today I live a fully expressed life. One day I received an email from the National Institute of Neurological Disorders & Stroke. They sent a wealth of knowledge & options to think about. I suddenly found myself researching non-profits. Living as an expat in the UAE & having legal experience, would eventually benefit me in so many ways I could have never imagined. Finally, I decided to form a non-profit organization calling it There Is A Solution Inc. The name transpired from a slogan often used, in the AA Fellowship. I hope I can help others who have survived, just like me…

February 25, 2022 - six-year rebirth update: 24/7 dizziness is so much better with vision therapy & time, but still unable to drive. Chronic fatigue is still terrible. I can go for about six hours, then I’m pretty unproductive. After a nap, I’m productive about another three hours, give or take. Anomic aphasia is still present, but it’s unique because I can say “I’m searching for the English word” & I sound fancy 🤣. Cerebellar tremor dominant hand is still present, thus pixie cut & no makeup. I try to use left hand, however my brain has been wired to use right, so I drop things all the time. Hormonal changes, no menstrual cycle presently. Metabolism changes, this is on-going. Weight gain goes up & down. Sometimes I can't taste & smell things. Balance issues are so much better, but I need to find an awesome vestibular therapist. I’ve had cranial sacral therapy for dissociation & it helped so much with my body being in a sympathetic state (fight/flight). With Hyperacusis, I’m still sensitive to certain sounds. I’ve incorporated a white noise device that helps, since my apartment is near the laundry room (it was the spin cycles driving me mad!). Cervical caries (from all the pharmaceuticals & MRI’s) almost gone with treatment. Prism eyeglasses that make me look smart 🤣 & blue tint that get compliments when I go out, which is not often. March 8, 2022, I will have thirteen years of continuous sobriety. Having no filter is so freeing & I don’t consider any “standard narrative”. I’m direct with pure love & it can be pretty intense at times, for some. Luckily enough, I’m not always intense & can be playful. In fact, my emotions were affected in relation to narcissists & humans who are evil. I can’t have either around me, as I can feel their energy immediately & it usually takes me two days to get over it. Some words can be tricky in some instances, as they mean absolutely nothing to me & I believe love is an action. I'm completely disunified with no contact from all immediate family, due to their unacceptable behavior towards this event. To have a relationship with me it will require going to any lengths to make it right, take responsibility for their part, changed behavior, estrangement therapy, & education on brain injury. Four years & not one person has approached me. I’ve perfected EMDR trauma therapy & it’s so amazing 💛! I research & incorporate alternative therapies. No longer attend A.A. meetings, as there are much bigger fish to fry. I can be around humans that drink & not be bothered one bit. Besides, I’m much funner than most that need to drink for disinhibition 😉. I’ve also gained a non-contagious autoimmune disorder called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (oh joy!). It causes anaphylaxis type symptoms, to literally everything I consume or put on my body. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. I try to keep things playful & laugh a lot at myself because this can be too serious for some. Even with all the shite I’ve endured, my life is magical & the hippie/gypsy in me, has really come alive…💛

Thompson Lulu Miles Williams
The man in my life & international travelling pooch.
He crossed the Rainbow Bridge on my 50th Birthday.
His name is of great significance to me.

Thompson = To honor my soul brother Tony Thompson, the legendary drummer.
Lulu = Tony's sister Cookie, friends & I were watching the Oscars at her place in West Hollywood. Thompson jumped into the lap of a friend with a super loud queen voice, who screamed & laughed "ohhhhhhhh Thompson Lulu.”
Miles = My niece Allie’s said one day "can his middle name be Miles” & I said “of course”. She played saxophone & I'm pretty sure it was after Miles Davis.
Williams = my father’s surname.

Unmasking Brain Injury Project

City: Dubai, United Arab Emirates ➤ Las Vegas, Nevada ➤ Manchester, New Hampshire ➤ Jamestown, North Dakota ➤ Fargo, North Dakota.

Brain Injury: Subdural hemorrhage from thunderclap headache, aneurysms, hemorrhagic cerebellar CVA (stroke), ischemic occipital CVA (stroke), craniotomy, partial cerebellum hemispherectomy & concussion.

Explanation of Mask: Leslee describes her recovery journey as “what it was like, what happened, & what it’s like now.” Her mask represents life before & after, with a heartbeat dividing the two. She lived an extremely independent life as an expat in Dubai & traveled the globe. After a routine angiogram, she stroked in recovery & a second time in the Neuro ICU. The neurosurgeon & team performed an emergency craniotomy relieving swelling & eliminating the blood, which had hemorrhaged onto her brain. In doing this, a portion of the cerebellum was removed, in a hemispherectomy. Went in as Leslee, came out a stranger.